Is the worst lullaby ever. If the bird doesn't sing I'll buy you a diamond ring? Yeah right. For one, I'm pretty sure that's a serious choking hazard and for two, ain't nobody got money for that.

Just take a look for yourself.

Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.

And if that looking glass is broke, Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat,

And if that billy goat won't pull, Mama's gonna buy you a cart and a bull.

And if that cart and bull turn over, Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark, Mama's gonna buy you a horse and a cart.

And if that horse and cart fall down, You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

So hush little baby, don't you cry. Daddy loves you and so do I.

When you hear the lullaby you might not be noticing it but it comes down to one very simple request. Please be quiet. This is such a common phrase that you probably don't think anything about it. But the truth is that is one of the classic ways to try and calm a baby down. If you read over each line you will see that it is all about going to sleep. And yet you see it everywhere, used for everything. It is as if hush little baby don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you an anything that rhymes! Is just a rhym that says everything it needs to say. And that means it says nothing at all.

So if you are looking for ways to make up verses to the lullaby just remember there is an even better one...

Wheels on the Bus is the best for made up lyrics. "The babies on the bus go to sleep now/to sleep now/to sleep now/ the babies on the bus go to sleep now/ oh my god please". I make up random songs all the time. The wheels on the bus has become "The Animals at the zoo" when I run out of animals I start doing mythical creatures.

Has anyone else noticed that most nursery rhymes are morbid? Like, Rock-a-Bye Baby.. My word. My child will turn out just as well hearing Biggie Smalls instead. Please fogive the rambling. I am so tired.


I'm personally not a fan of coed showers but if you're going to go that route, a BBQ would be nice.

Neutral themes include jungle, sea life, sweets/candy/dessert-themed, farm animals, Dr. Suess.

Even though some people are not fan of alcohol at baby showers I'm okay with it and I think if the person pregnant is okay with it then you are good to go.

We knew we were having a girl so our colours were grey, yellow, and pink but I agree with neutral themes and colors like yellow, green, brown, grey will work well.

We also had games that both men and women would enjoy. My friends and family are big drinkers so we did beer in the baby bottle and whoever finished it first won a prize. We also did the guess the chocolate bar in the diaper and the game where everyone wore a clothes pin, and if you said baby whoever heard you say it or made you say it took your pin.

Whoever had the most pins wins.


We have plenty of toys, but I'm always supplementing with found toys.

Ours love playing with water/flour/rice. I've been meaning to get an under the bed box to contain the mess (saw that idea on Pinterest), but basically I have a couple of bowls and measuring spoons that I keep with his flour (which is disgusting by now) and he pours it and scoops it and has a ball.

I also wash and keep various sized plastic jars (peanut butter jars are great!) for him to put stuff in.

My kid also loves putting the rings on and off Mason jars.

I haven't made him anything yet, but I've been seriously considering making a set of felt food. There are lots of tutorials online.

We have a tent from Ikea he likes to play in, but I'm sure it wouldn't be too challenging to make a tent.


I was actually wandering through Target the other day and saw the basic lines (like, City and stuff), and it's like new City stuff is amazingly cool and looks a lot better than what I had as a kid, but it would also blend right in with the stuff I had as a kid.

Then I realized that these toys are not generational.

We started getting a lot more wooden toys once we realised the level of goddamn shut the hell up noise that modern toys make. Our 2 year old loves the more tactile, imaginative stuff.

Although he has and loves a large number of little talking vTech cars and vehicles. Fuck those chattering, noisy products of whatever satanic toy manufacturing marketing department spawned them.

A part made before I was born will fit perfectly with parts that will come after I die. That is beyond BIFL, that is something amazing and unique, especially for a hyper-mass produced plastic product.

Fun fact: They brought back Trains.


I always figured the "no sugar" rule would backfire horribly. Like, we'd get two or three years into it and he'd finally get a taste of the sweet stuff and it'd be like a firework going off. It'd become his life mission to locate and absorb as much of this incredible, previously denied energy source as possible.

I think we made it to six months before his first taste of chocolate.

So yeah, we're now firmly in the "everything in moderation, just don't be stupid about it" camp.

Just wait until grandma shows up! "No caffeine!" "But it was just 2 cans of Mountain Dew. It's fine!"

"Making the rules" and "enforcing the rules" exist in two almost completely independent realities as a parent.